By Betty Murambadoro
HOW you see yourself matters. What you believe about yourself manifests in how far you stretch yourself boldly or in self-imposed limitations upheld.
I have experienced how this influences the value I derive from relationships with others. Navigating life seasons has shown me how significant a relationship with self can make or break me. I have reflected on numerous marketplace experiences and family dynamics where relationships with self-influenced specific outcomes.
When the biblical Israelites were transitioning into the promised land, they sent spies ahead to scout the land. Part of the spies’ post-tour report emphasized how they saw themselves as grasshoppers and so they were in the eyes of the inhabitants. The confidence you exude or lack of it, influences how others see you.
One recipient of that report remained resolute that despite the scary findings there was still possibility of a successful invasion. Both faith and fear can be in operation simultaneously, but the game changer depends on how you relate with yourself. Whether I induce fear or faith in others reflects what I have abundantly in me.
Focusing on self sometimes is uncomfortable until someone points out something requiring attention on or in you. I always try to identify my own gaps and closing them before someone raises a flag. At some point I enrolled myself briefly at an institution when I was given an assignment that was just too complex for me.
I occasionally approach experts in areas I am not gifted in and ask for a dose of upskilling to enable me to be reasonably functional in a particular task. A teachable spirit originates from how I relate with myself. I have learnt to be comfortable with saying “I don’t know” and then seeking help from those conversant in the subject matter.
I sporadically get called into missions that I have never imagined myself executing. I recall subtly pushing back on a mission I thought I was not qualified to delivered on. My response was “ini chaiye?” (translated to “me really?”) and my instructor answered “asi ani?” (translating to “but who?”).
Sometimes it’s in the mind that you convince yourself that you cannot deliver, yet you have capacity to execute excellently. This is exactly how my wellness coach miraculously convinced me into regular brisk walks, triceps dips, tyre flips and drags, and boxing sessions. Self-discipline and being self-driven are part of how I relate with myself positively.
I recall as toddlers how saddening it was when we teased each other about our unique physical appearances. It took me years to reverse the trauma this created. For a long time, I was conscious of certain elements of my appearance. I occasionally replayed childhood memories of those unpleasant descriptors.
Revelation comes in different stages in life. Years later I listened to a transformative sermon that changed me into embracing that I contributed absolutely nothing at all in influencing how I was formed. From that point on, I concluded that who you are is not who I am and who I am is not who you are. Period!
If you don’t like something about you, can you change it? If you can, then go ahead and change it. But if you can’t change it then accept the unique you, than spend a lifetime mourning over what you cannot change. Relationship with self shapes personalities, ultimately impacting quality of relationships with others.
An advanced level of positive relationship with self manifests in several ways. I aspire to improve in this regard and reach levels where I exude more of the following attributes.
Self-confidence ― Serving competently in spheres of influence where I have been planted, even without anyone cheering me on.
Self-leadership and self-governance ― Knowing how far I should go, where I should stop and where to dig in, while maintaining ethical conduct.
Self-mastery ― Understanding my triggers and how to moderate my actions. I am learning to “navigate” my struggles responsibly and “wear” my successes modestly. We all don’t always have it all figured out perfectly but should not suffer erosion of honour.
Self-awareness ― Understanding the likely impact of my actions on others and adjusting where necessary.
Self-care ― Minimising self-harm and advancing what improves my wellbeing. Dr Myles Munroe emphasised showing up in the world as your best self. He reiterated that “when you take care of yourself you have more to offer others and your interactions become more impactful”.
Self-respect ― Others can see if I am just “wasting myself away”, so I try to guard jealously whatever portrays self-respect.
Self-control ― Knowing what triggers me negatively and scenarios I should avoid or should navigate delicately.
Self-regulate ― Controlling and moderating my appetites, cravings and fears. For example, I constantly remind myself that shopping is not a sport as a way to regulate my spending patterns. With regards to fear, think of how a duck glides calmly on the surface while paddling fiercely under water. That’s how I handle trouble ― steady on the outside, working fiercely beneath it all to make it through.
Self-love ― As Sheree Shereni puts it, pursue “Project-Zvide”, translating to “Project-Love Yourself”. How I carry myself must come from the love I have for my life.
Personal development ― I often challenge my colleagues to own their personal development, by identifying their own gaps and closing them successfully. Unapologetically setting own personal targets and striving to outdo my previous delivery.
Relating well with self ignites more joy, glow and esteem. This is contagious and a conduit to impactful relationships with others. I pen off this 13th article wishing readers a restful festive season and a great start into the new year.
Take the challenge to review relationship with self and positively impact relationships in the marketplace, communities and families. I look forward to reconnecting next year as we venture into more relationship management nuggets.
Murambadoro is the Executive Director, Corporate and Investment Banking for Stanbic Bank Zimbabwe.