8 signs you may not make a good wife

Marriage is not only a commitment, it’s a haven where the essence of love is in self-giving.

SOME women have dreamed of being married since the age of baby dolls and pigtails, so once they begin dating, every guy becomes a potential Prince Charming. As romantic as the notion of marriage may be, most people don’t stop to think if they are actually “marriage material.” Many think that simply because you fall in love and date for a year or two, marriage is the natural next step – but it’s not for everyone. If you DO decide that marriage is in your future, make sure you’re honest with yourself about what you bring to the table. After all, you can’t attract a man who possesses the traits of a good husband if you don’t display those traits yourself (and of course the same applies to men). If you’re unsure, these signs may indicate that you may not make a good wife – and have some work to do on yourself before you walk the aisle.

You’re Selfish

Marriage is not only a commitment, it’s a haven where the essence of love is in self-giving. This is not to suggest that you should lose yourself in your spouse, which can also be detrimental to a marriage. It simply means that if you’re only thinking about yourself, your spouse becomes an object – not a partner – and mutual love cannot grow. If you want him to cater to you constantly without reciprocating, you’re not good when it comes to compromise, and you don’t want to share him with family or friends, chances are your selfishness will eventually alienate and suffocate him. Most selfish people use their partner’s love against them and hold their partners accountable for their own happiness. If you don’t remember that you give up the “I’s” for a “we”, you’ll be putting an unrealistic expectation on your future husband to hold down the marriage on his own.

You’re Extremely Jealous

If you’re a jealous person by nature, this won’t change once he puts a ring on it – it’ll only make it worse.  We’ve all been a little jealous from time to time, and some may argue that a healthy level of jealousy is actually good for a relationship. However, extreme jealousy is a sign of insecurity, and professing your love before God and 100 guests in a white gown won’t change feelings of low self-esteem or inadequacy. Now that he’s not just your boyfriend, but your husband, your possessiveness will increase tenfold and you’ll feel threatened by every woman he comes in contact with if you don’t get a handle on your jealousy issues. Be honest with yourself and get help if needed.

You’re a Party Girl

Most men wouldn’t take too kindly to their wife dropping it like it’s hot in the club every night. There’s nothing wrong with partying and having a good time, but when you have a man at home who wants to spend quality time with you, it’s not a good look. Going out with your girls from time to time is great, and he should get out with the fellas as well. No one is suggesting that you cut off the rest of the world where you have no outlet. However, the type of outlet and frequency should not compromise the amount of time you spend with each other. He may feel that stepping out to a club every weekend instead of spending time at home is disrespectful and that he isn’t a priority. In marriage, you need to find a balance between being together and being out with others. If you haven’t gotten your partying ways out of your system, you may want to give marriage a second thought.

You Do Not Like (His) Children

There is nothing wrong with not liking or wanting children – it’s not for everyone, and it doesn’t automatically exclude you from being seen as wifey material. However, you have to keep in mind that if you’re dating a man who wants children, or who has children already, and you don’t like children (or HIS children), then it won’t matter how much you love HIM…it’ll never work. He’ll resent you, and you’ll be miserable. Children are a commitment all on their own aside from marriage, so if you both aren’t united on this front, the marriage will eventually collapse. If he already has children, he may be looking to you to be a mother-figure to his kids – and if you don’t like children, no matter how good of a woman you are, if he can’t see you as a mother, he will never see you as a wife.

You’re Materialistic

Not only do some women dream of getting married, some dream of marrying a wealthy man – someone to take care of them. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to be comfortable in a relationship, if you ONLY marry for money, you may be in for a rude awakening. Marriage is supposed to last in good times and bad, in sickness and in health and for richer OR poorer. Some women only focus on the “richer” part. People who are materialistic tend to be narcissistic and concerned with impressing people rather than focusing on their partner. And if your spouse suddenly loses his job, the stock market crashes or is unable to maintain your extravagant lifestyle, he may be afraid that you’ll move on to the next man with deeper pockets. He needs to know that you’ll be around when times get tough, not just when the money is flowing. If you can’t support your man through difficult financial times then you shouldn’t be walking down the aisle. Get you some business and maintain yourself…or marry a man whose money is so long, you won’t have to worry about the “poorer” part of your vows.

Promiscuous/Cheater

Let’s face it, you know if you’re a cheater or not. This is not to say that once a cheater, always a cheater – but most people who are repeatedly unfaithful in relationships don’t change unless they truly are ready and they want to. If you WANT to, then great – you can change and be a great wife to a wonderful man. But if you haven’t finished sowing your royal oats, then don’t bring anyone else into your mess. Remain single until you can remain faithful.

Non-Sexual, Low Libido

Making love isn’t everything in a relationship, but it’s important, and anyone who says differently is either a virgin or is lying. Marriage is made up of love, respect, commitment…and making love, and if your libidos don’t match or your sex drive is non-existent, chances are you probably won’t even make it past the courting stage to a proposal unless you both have taken a vow of celibacy until then. Most couples relate to each other through intimacy, so if you rarely want to make love, your partner may feel disconnected, and he will eventually look for that connection elsewhere. If you feel that your sex drive is abnormally low, check with your physician to make sure you are healthy – both mentally and physically so that you can work this out before entertaining the thought of eventually becoming a wife. The main idea is here is not to imply that being a good wife lies between your legs, but instead to consider real life circumstances when choosing a life partner.

You haven’t “found” yourself

Sometimes, the breaking point of a marriage comes at the hands of one person’s realization that they need to find themselves. When someone gets married too young or for the wrong reasons, they feel unfulfilled and feel the itch to do things that they should’ve done before they got married. If you haven’t invested in yourself and given yourself time to grow, don’t jump into marriage.- By Brooke Dean

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