Marks of an effective dad

SUCCESSFUL parenting requires the efforts of both the father and the mother of the children. However, this week our focus is centred only on the father’s duties.
Most of us are ineffective fathers because we have the tendency of placing the whole responsibility of raising children squarely on the shoulders of the wife. We think that as long as we provide food and money in the home, we are good fathers. In some cases some of us even neglect this basic duty of providing for the children.
I know that some dads will ask me to stick to the spiritual side of this column and stop this campaign of gender equality and emancipation of women. But can you count how many fathers have had to be reminded and compelled by a maintenance order from the magistrate to pay for the support of their children in the custody of their former wives?
Providing for the family
The first duty of a father in the home is to provide basic needs of life: shelter, food and clothing. The Bible enjoins the support of the family and likens every father who supports not his family to someone less than an unbeliever.
1Timothy 5:8 declares: “But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
If a father is said to be worse than an infidel, it may well mean that he no longer fits in the kingdom of man and can only find a place in the animal kingdom. What an indictment Paul gives here! When it comes to providing for the children, the father should do his best. When we provide for them let us not do it expecting to be rewarded or to be provided for in return when we grow old. It is quite in order for grown up children to look after their retired parents, but the emphasis is for the fathers to be responsible for their children. The Scripture says: “For the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children (2 Corinthians 12:14).
Discipline
Someone rightly said that an effective father needs two outstanding qualifications: Firmness in discipline and readiness to encourage.
Discipline refers to training or punishment with the intention of producing obedience and self-control. Most of the foolishness and indiscipline of our children is a result of failure on the part of fathers to train, instruct, correct and punish their children. Discipline produces well-balanced children who are neither spoilt nor neglected. Some fathers cannot discipline their children because they are never at home with them.
It was painful to hear when one father was called uncle by his child. Normally, an uncle does not live with our children, but he visits them. Some fathers do not discipline their children thinking that will be cruelty. But we cannot be smarter than our heavenly Father who instituted discipline for children. God said in Proverbs 22:15: “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”
Use of the rod to correct children from rebellion and disobedience is scriptural and godly. Spoiling them is not. The Bible says love does not rejoice in evil. First instruct the children, gently correct them when they misbehave and punish or cane them when they persist in wrong doing.
Proverbs 19:18 says: “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”
A child who has been spared a rod is a spoilt lawless brat who brings shame to the parents.
Encouragement
An effective father should always be ready to encourage his children. There is need to catch your children doing good and pamper them and not only to catch them red-handed and beat them up. Sometimes severe discipline and failure will discourage your children. This discouragement, if not resolved, will degenerate into rebellion and objectionable behaviour, hence, the need to encourage them frequently especially in times of failure, weakness and folly.
It is said that for every negative word you say to a child you must afterwards say 10 positive words to cancel the effect of that one negative word. This simply means encouragement is a great need of a child. Praise will get the work done, but anger can discourage children seriously.
God is such a good father who is both firm in disciplining us and ready to encourage us. What kind of a father are you? Reflect on this: The kind of father you are is likely to be the kind of a parent your children will be because children learn more through observation than from what you say.
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