Forgiving others

Instead of beginning the discussion by defining what forgiveness is all about, I started by throwing to them challenging practical situations that require forgiveness. What would you do if you catch your wife with another man? If a tenant fails to pay rent? If your wife or daughter is raped? If your brother or son is murdered? If your goods are stolen? Would you forgive or hold a grudge against the offender? In each scenario there were many different responses from those blessed men.
For instance in the case of an adulterous wife one man said that it was difficult to say how he would deal with the situation of adultery before the event actually happens. Another said, “If I burn with jealousy when she merely talks to another man, how can I think twice about divorcing her when I catch her in bed with another man?” But one man said that he would forgive and not divorce his wife. That gentleman’s answer shocked everyone present and it led us to a critical analysis of the relationship between forgiveness and divorce.
It was noted that the Scripture makes provision for divorce on the grounds of marital infidelity only. Matthew 19:9 says, “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery…” Jesus clearly pointed out in this passage on divorce that divorce was grudgingly permitted in the Law of Moses because of the hardness of men’s hearts or attitude of unforgiveness. Otherwise God hates divorce and wills that a marriage be only terminated by death. It was further probed: is divorcing your wife for sexual immorality an act of unforgiveness? Some thought that divorcing your wife for sexual immorality is an act of unforgiveness if she forgave you for the same sin and if she is repentant and if she desires to remain married to you. Others claimed that divorcing an adulterous wife is not act of unforgiveness but it is simply refusing to tolerate sin. 
If men can divorce their wives for sexual immorality then women have the same right to divorce their husbands for the same reason. However, it was noted that the practical reality is that women forgive more than men do. 
Evicting the tenant who has failed to pay rent after breaching some mutual agreements is not an act of unforgiveness but it is just part of the solution.
It was agreed in the cases of murder, rape and theft that the offended ones must choose to live in the freedom of forgiveness rather than in the bondage of bitterness. Forgiveness was then defined as not holding a grudge against your offender and choosing to live with the consequences of someone’s sins. However, forgiving offenders is not the same as preventing the state from punishing law breakers. The discussion could not be exhausted  but the following facts were noted: forgiving is not forgetting, forgiveness is a choice, no-one has a gift of forgiving; forgiveness may be accompanied with measures to safeguard against further offences because we are not supposed to tolerate sin.
– Pastor Mairos can be contacted on 0772889766 or e-mail mairos78@yahoo.co.uk