Apostle Peter’s piece of marital advice

1 Peter 3:1 In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands …
The emphasis of last week’s instalment was to encourage husbands to fulfil their role of treating their wives with understanding, honour and respect. And the fruits of doing so are answered prayers and marital happiness. The wife’s role of submitting thoughtfully and wisely to the leadership of her husband is the focus of this week’s instalment. Apostle Peter advised, “In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands (subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them), so that even if any do not obey the word (of God), they may be won over not by discussion but by the (godly) lives of their wives.”

Submission is a cause of heated arguments for many couples. The arguments arise from a lack of proper understanding of this term. Husbands demand it and wives deny it. Men regard submission as a right to be exacted or even expected from their wives. Wives, on the other hand, refuse to submit because they think submission makes them appear inferior to their husbands.

In the age of campaigning for equal rights, human rights and women emancipation and empowerment, submission of wives to their husbands seems to be a contradiction. But submission has nothing at all to do with issues of superiority and inferiority. It has much to do with the spirit of gentleness and humility which is precious in the sight of God. Apostle Peter urges married women to give more attention to the cultivation of a gentle and quiet spirit than outward appearance.

Common causes of lack of submission by wives are: maltreatment by the husband, in-law interference, ill-advice from friends, despising one’s husband, not fearing God and demonic influence resulting in the spirit of pride, arrogance and stubbornness. The spirit of insubordination manifest in many ways but it most obvious when you hear married ladies declaring in their moments of frustration or self-exaltation that they are ‘varume pachezvavo’ (they are just like males in the sense that they are able to work and earn income for themselves without needing to depend on their husbands for any provision).

Also, there are married women who are quick to bow the knee for pastors and other important married men but fail to do the same for their own husbands. But it must not be so. Wives should honour their own husbands first.  A wife’s submission to her own husband comes in the context of general submission of everyone to Christ in reverence to Him and general submission of each one to one another. It is not just the wives who are to exercise submission to their husbands but also the husbands to their wives and everyone to each other and everyone to God.

Submission carries the idea of giving up your rights and choosing to be gentle and humble and to take up the lower position freely and willingly with the aim of honouring and obeying the other. The trinity shows us a perfect example of submission. God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit are equal yet in functioning, the Holy Spirit takes the third position and submits to the Son, while the Son takes the second position and submits to the Father who takes the first position.

Dear wives, submitting to your own husband is not a sign of weakness but it is both honouring your husband’s God-given headship over you and an act of obedience and reverence to God who requires you to submit to your husband. Furthermore, your submission has parameters, ‘as is fitting in the Lord.’ You are not obligated to submit if your husband orders you to do something sinful or if he is abusing you.

But in everything that is good in the Lord wives must submit to their husbands freely in love and grace and this submission has the fruits of converting the hearts of wicked husbands and bringing great peace in the home. Our very creation as males and females is strong evidence that we are interdependent and desperately need each other to live a happy and fulfilling life.

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