Becoming like your boss?

ONE thing you realise as you mature and come into your own is that, not only do you become like your own parents saying and doing things your mom and dad used to; but that you also catch yourself doing things that your teachers or bosses used to do. In other words, not only do you become your parents, you also become your teachers and you become your bosses.

The other day I surprised myself when I caught myself being and doing exactly what a certain boss in my early working life, whom I had thought I loathed. Honestly, I had believed with everything that had been in me that that boss was anathema to me; so you can imagine how stunned I was to realise that I had become just like him!

Back in the day — sometime before my thirties — labouring under the supervision of this boss I had found him an irritating, annoying, obnoxious altogether drive-you-up-the-wall perfectionist. Nitpicking was his middle name – at least to me and several others of my colleagues. If any of the staffers did some work, he would go over it a million times and each little time there was something to be changed.

By the time one got to the fourth, fifth run, he would, in fact, be correcting even things he had already corrected or inserted himself. Duh, I used to mutter under my breath in exasperation as I rolled my eyes and succumbed to instructions to do something over yet again. All of us working under him hated this.

But of course, after those million times of going over, we would, albeit grudgingly, concede that the final piece would be a masterpiece. Well, what do you know! As I supervised the writing exercise I had given my daughter just this past weekend, I was stunned to catch myself in action as I made her do corrections, over corrections, of corrections, of corrections. As my daughter sulked and complained no end about me making her do it over and over, I noted to myself, “God, haven’t I just become quite the Mister So and So!”

I have, without knowing it, become my boss. It was then I realised that I had actually learned some critical lessons from this guy. I had learned to be thorough and to pay attention to details from this boss. Above all, he had taught me to be above mediocrity. To not do it; not accept it; and certainly not be it. Mediocrity.

As I reflected further, I was able to pinpoint a few other instances where I have acted just like this boss; and further I noticed too that there were also instances when I behaved exactly like yet another boss, whom I had believed at the time had come straight from hell. And then there was also this boss I used to admire so, who used to think the world of me, back in the day. I also realised that there were some aspects of his that I had also taken on board to be become part of what has become my ‘repertoire’ in the discharge of my duty and life, at home, at work, in church, in the community and elsewhere in between.

Al l this and not to mention those times, you catch yourself saying to your children or nephews and nieces, the very things or words your parents used to say to you at the same age and even in the very same tone, made me realise a few things.
1. As a person, over time you take on bits and pieces of the people who have influenced your life. You become them; they become a part of you. For all time.
2. We are very teachable, malleable and impressionable as people. Whether we realise it or not, we are impacted on everyday of our life. It may take time to manifest, but we do absorb and are moulded accordingly; so we do learn. All the time.
3. We become what we behold.
4. Not only do we pick up the good; or consciously emulate the admirable, but sometimes and oftentimes, actually, we subconsciously pick up even the abhorred and loathed habits, mannerisms or lessons of people we interface with.
5. Some of the greatest lessons we learn in life are not just from people we admire but people we hate, loathe, detest and abhor.

So, gentle readers, be careful, who you hate, you might just become them! And while you are not watching, you actually learn, absorb and become. Such is life. We are because others are. Talk about ubuntu. Unhu! It’s across the board, it’s all over us; it’s everywhere; it’s us!