Dealing with adultery

Having diagnosed in the previous article that adultery is a deadly disease that kills marriages it is important to give some prescription in this follow up message. Adultery, which is sexual unfaithfulness to one’s legal spouse, is not easy to deal with. If separation and divorce were prescribed as the only solution then almost 70 percent of existing marriages today would be terminated. There are some preventive measures and treatment procedures that must be taken and followed in order to deal away with this prevalent disease.
In the opening scripture above Jesus set sexual standards that help keep marriages honourable, sacred and pure. In His diagnosis, Jesus identified lust as the root cause of adultery. Sexual lust is an unhealthy and uncontrollable desire for sex. Lust is a mental sin. The mind plays the central role in the prevention of adultery. Evil imaginations, unholy sexual thoughts and fantasies will inevitably lead to sexual immorality. The mental garden will grow every seed sown in it, whether good or evil. To keep your mind pure and free from lust: do not watch pornography; do not read books that negatively stimulate your sexual desires, do not say or allow yourself to constantly hear filthy jokes on sex. Instead as Philippians 4:8 commands dwell your mind on pure thoughts. A mind filled with the pure words of God will produce purity in character.
One of the most important ways to guard against sexual immorality is self-control. Self-control is a must possess quality if one is to effectively guard themselves against sexual immorality of any kind. Proverbs 25:28 says, “A person without self-control is as defenceless as a city with broken-down walls.” But self-control is not a natural human quality; it is one aspect of the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). You need to be filled with the Spirit of God and to walk in the Spirit so that you may not fulfil the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16). A life that is daily led, controlled and governed by the dictates and promptings of the Holy Spirit is on that is likely to obey the commandment not to commit adultery.
Cultivation of faithfulness in the marriage relationship (Hebrews 13:4) is another effective way to prevent adultery from destroying marriages. Faithfulness means remaining committed to your spouse despite all the pressures to be involved in extramarital affairs. One effective way to remain faithful is to flee from seducing people as the biblical Joseph did. Faithfulness is affected by a number of push and pull factors. Push factors like poor sexually chemistry between partners, ignorance of sex-enhancing principles and practices, barrenness, lust and pull factors like love of money, desire for promotion at work and illusion of “greener pastures” have the power to lead married people into adultery. However, these push and pull factors can all be resolved if wise choice of partners, expert advice, and self-control are seriously taken into consideration.
Dealing with adultery cases in the family is harder than preventing them. But if your spouse is estranged there are things you must not do. Do not quarrel or fight; fighting will only worsen matters. Do not use runyoka because you may commit murder; do not refuse your spouse sex.
The following are the things you may do to save your marriage. Speak about the issue openly and honestly. Kindly ask the defaulting partner to confess their sin and to explain the reason behind their estrangement. Hear them out and seriously consider the reason given. The innocent partner must insist on safe sex and go for HIV tests and counselling. Go for marriage enrichment classes frequently. Pray together earnestly for love and romance to be rekindled in the marriage.  Seek deliverance from sexual perversion spirits. If all these measures fail to stabilise or reconcile the marriage troubled by adultery you may grudgingly consider separation or divorce as the final course of action.
– Pastor Mairos Mubvumbi is the founding pastor of Hope In Christ Ministries. You can send your prayer request to him on 0772889766 or mairos78@yahoo.co.uk