FOUNDING FATHER’S MEMOIRS: The voice of the people is the voice of God!

President Emmerson Mnangagwa

AREN’T these very exciting times, my people? I must admit that I have never felt this good in a very long time. I am really enjoying being the last to laugh. Am thoroughly enjoying all these personal attacks on my person by people I thought were my friends all these years.

If an organisation of people who purport to have liberated this country call for a press conference to attack me, it shows you that I still have the ball. I am being vindicated that I am the legitimate leader of you my people. In shona they aptly say: Ane bhora ndiye anomakwa. You see, this business of leading the people is not just something that one dreams of and convinces themselves that they have what it takes to lead a people. I led you for 37 short years not because I just felt I should lead you, but it was all because this was my destiny.

Leaders come from God and the gods; and when these super beings from the heavens beyond make their decision they whisper it into the hearts and minds of the people, which is why I kept telling you and the world that I will not leave office until you people said so. And through the ballot the people express God and the gods’ will. Indeed, and yes indeed, the voice of the people is the voice of God. And when God speaks through his people we must respect that voice. I am quite heartened that my tormentors used the words: “The voice of the people is the voice of God,” as their punch line during the election campaign period.

You see, old and wise as I am now, I have come to understand the workings of God and the gods: They work in very mysterious ways. While I know exactly the meanings of these super beings’ teachings, unfortunately, my tormentors do not have any idea at all about the true sense of messages from the divine world. All God and the gods did was to put into the mouths of my and your tormentors words that would end up exposing their evil machinations. These super beings are so just that they let those with evil minds destroy themselves in broad daylight in full view of the entire world.

Being a lawyer of note myself, I cannot even imagine of any legal trickery that is going to save these tormentors from facing a humiliating defeat in their very own courts of law. The best they can do to avoid eating that humble pie is force the poor hapless judges to call for a rerun. If a rerun is called for, let us not be cowed into staying away because history has to be fulfilled, comrades. No matter how painful the process, we must all come out in our numbers and let our voices be heard. Beyond a rerun there is no way they will win this one because already they have been shamelessly revising their figures downwards and giving my Chisa lad the votes that rightly belong to him.

They are skirting on very thin ice. Now imagine that having so far given back to Chisa all those votes they say were grabbed from him through miscalculation, how many more votes were physically stolen from him? I can’t wait for the verdict on this case. There is no way these so called learned judges will reserve judgement on this case because there is too much at stake. If the judges decide to respect those who butter their bread, then let us not despair.

We will simply make the judges’ lives miserable for the next five years by constantly reminding them that they are the reason why the country is in misery. And it will not take a year before things really turn back to those terrible hyperinflationary era days. This time around it will be really excruciating because neither the bond nor the US dollar, or any other currency for that matter, will be available. We have already dollarised and we cannot dollarise an already dollarised economy; that would be madness. Asante Sana!

Kindest Regards
Your One and Only Leader
ME

…AND NOW THE NOTE BOOK

Jurists
THE International Commission of Jurists (ICJ) reportedly sent a team of eminent jurists to observe the hearing of our historic presidential petition. Observers say that this will add to the oversight role that is necessary to promote the interests of justice. We bet some nutty fundi will link these jurists to an obscure imperialist movement bent on destabilising a sovereign nation’s judiciary system. Anyway, ICJ has advocated for justice and human rights since 1952. And we wonder where the hell have they been all these years when some people have trodden on our justice and human rights. Nonetheless, we do hope that their coming will help us re-establish the rule of law in this country. The non-governmental organisation boasts of 60 eminent judges and lawyers from all over the globe and all legal system, just in case some people doubt their reputation. These guys are bad news to human rights abusers and those who are law unto themselves.

Animal Farm
ONCE upon a time, countries in the southern African region helped each other fight against colonialism, racism and apartheid. In fact, it was the people in these countries who saw it proper to join forces to fight these evils. Their combined and genuine assistance to each other carried the day. However, fast forward to the 21st Century, decades after colonialism, racism and apartheid were vanquished, the people of these lands are now under a new yolk they least expected: Their leaders. How ironic that the lives and well-being of millions of people in this beautiful part of the world now rest in the hands of a few individuals. The entire region has become one huge (George Orwell’s) animal farm that has bred demi-gods; a region that has become the home of human rights abusers and outlaws who unashamedly defend each other’s misdeeds.

Demo(n)lish
SO, for the umpteenth time, the Harare City Council is going to destroy what it has been destroying over and over again for the past two decades. This is making some of us wonder who this demon called Harare City Council is. A few days after the controversial 2018 harmonised elections, this demon of a council razed vendors’ stalls at Copacabana market and some mysterious voices blamed the mess in Harare to the MDC-led council, albeit there not being any councillors in office at the time. It has really been bothering some of us how this council actually functions. For instance, when the Copacabana flea market stalls were destroyed, who signed the order and was there ever a council resolution for the stalls to be set up there in the first place? If the devil is to indeed be shamed by the truth, those flea market stalls mushroomed — just like all the millions of illegal houses around the city, without council’s blessing. For all we know, from our layman’s analysis, these have been failed attempts by certain political forces to win urban people’s hearts. It has been well documented and those living in these illegal residential areas will attest that they were “allowed” to settle there by such and such person linked to the infamous “Shake Shake” building. So the destruction of the flea market stalls and illegal settlements are simple acts of frustration by the rejected political suitors. It is folly to try and blame the MDC for the chaos in Harare or anywhere else for that matter because that party has been nothing but a figurehead administrator that is just a toothless bulldog. Someone else has been calling the shots and continues to do so. The so-called city fathers long told us that the city ran out of residential land donkey’s years ago and all the land that was being settled on belonged to the State. This MDC blame game has just lost traction, if it ever had any.

MDC Alliance President, Nelson Chamisa

Damascene
IMAGINE that, by some very remote fluke, Nelson Chamisa happens to win the court case and is declared the new president; imagine also if a re-run is called for and he wins it: What would happen at the State broadcaster and the State-owned newspaper stables? Some of us can only imagine the biblical gnashing of teeth. Whoever introduced partisan journalism was cruel indeed. They were not only cruel to the journos, but did themselves immense injustice because their world risks to cease to exist beyond a particular dispensation. This reminds us of a certain picture of some legislator that has been doing the rounds. At the recent Heroes Day commemorations, this talkative gentleman was captured by the paparazzi seated outside a ZANU-PF VIP tent. The legislator, who is a former ZANU-PF member, but now an independent Member of Parliament, aptly captioned the picture thus: “Is this the new dispensation? Let’s learn to separate national events from party events and accommodate each other. ZANU-PF leaders seated whilst an independent is ostracised.” At least for him his damascene moment has come earlier while he is still in full control of his mental faculties. But for friends and relatives at these media houses, we pray that the day never comes. Apparently this independent MP has been seriously bootlicking the yet to be confirmed president elect as if he has been promised a ministerial post. That he sat outside in the sun at Heroes Acre should get him rethink his strategy.

Well done!
IN the middle of doom and gloom, good news sometimes can just fleet past unnoticed. For the first time ever, since this country came into existence, our national netball team has qualified for the world cup. Wow! What a feat for a country that doesn’t seem able to get anything right. While we are all excited and wish the ladies all the best heading for Liverpool in the United Kingdom for the world championships in 2019, we, however, hope and pray that enough pound sterling would be sourced in time to avoid embarrassment. Our rugby guys had to sleep on the street pavements the other time in some foreign land after we failed to pay for their hotel accommodation. Experience has taught us that while we may know of such tournaments well in advance preparation for the actual departure will only start less than a month before the games start. Little wonder some rude president categorised us as among what he called shit hole countries because we never seem to get anything organised in time.