How to find love that really lasts

Don’t always trust the love at first sight

BEING single and struggling to find true love that lasts is still one of the biggest struggles so many people are facing today, no matter how successful they may be in other aspects of their lives.

Although it may seem that you are lonely in your struggle, bear in mind that 44 percent of adult American population is single, 40 million of which are actively searching for love via online dating services.

The reasons for being single vary from person to person…

You may have been single for a while

It’s either because you didn’t have the time to dedicate to dating and truly getting to know someone, or you simply couldn’t find the partner that suits your needs. Either way, a certain amount of time has gone by, making it harder for you to get back in the game and start from scratch.

You may have gone through lots of heartbreaks in the past

It is not uncommon that people who have been through some negative past experiences will feel uncertain and fearful once they are faced with similar situations.

No matter how hard it seems, or what our past experiences may be, for most people love is worth the search and the struggle. You are one of them since you are reading this article. You are the person with a clear goal in mind – you want the love that brings happiness, love that is true, honest and that lasts.

However, knowing what you want doesn’t always result in getting it. Anyone who has ever been single knows that finding the love you want can be quite challenging. The first question that comes to your mind is – How does one go about finding love actually? Then, you might ask if you were even supposed to be looking for love. Isn’t it one of those things that just happens or doesn’t, you might ask. Then, even if you meet someone, how do you really get to know a person? Or, you might have a problem identifying the right person for you. And, finally, how do you avoid making the same choices and mistakes?

At least from my experience, and from the experiences of people around me, love does not come when we look for it, nor when we pressure it into being. On the contrary, true love that lasts comes when you stop looking for it outside of yourself. Rather than looking for the love in the people we meet, and blaming them for not doing so, we need to shift the focus onto ourselves instead.

1. Work on yourself

As the commonly known attraction principle states – we attract who we are. Therefore, if you are a person who is looking for others to provide them with the love they lack for themselves, chances are you are going to meet exactly those kind of people, who also look for someone to fulfill that gap for them. You know the rest of this story.

On the other hand, think of the people you know, I’m sure we all have at least one or two friends, or relatives, who simply find love whenever they want to. Great chances are that all of those people have one common denominator – they love themselves. To love yourself means to accept who you are, not care what anyone else thinks of you; to do what you love the most, and to be completely content with yourself.

Then, the message you are sending out tells of a person who is easily lovable and doesn’t feel needy of other people’s attention. And, that is exactly why love and attention are what they are most commonly getting.

You can’t hurry love, indeed. If you are tired of waiting for the one, you can easily get into the trap of rushing into a relationship with the first person that seems nice enough without even taking the time to truly get to know the person. By rushing things we are more likely to sacrifice ourselves. This usually leaves a bitter taste in your mouth after you get some time to rationally think about everything.

3. Reach out to meet new people

In order to break all negative or ineffective past programs, we have to step out into the world in a different way. Since chances of meeting the relationship material at a bar are nine percent for women and two percent for men, why not trying some other activities where you can meet some interesting people, and maybe a future love interest.

If you have a dog, dog parks are a great place for both you and your furry friend to meet some like-minded people.

Another great way to meet new people is through everyone’s favorite topic – food. Depending on the type of food you like, you can find many great cooking classes, try pop-up dining, or any other type of food inspired gathering where you can meet and chat with people who share your taste.

With numerous dating websites and apps being developed recently, online dating has become mainstream in the last couple of years. Even though online dating has many pros and cons, you can benefit from it if you combine it with the real life experience wisely. Make sure to use the dating apps just as means for getting into contact with people and getting to know them a little before you meet them in the real world where you may consider dating.

One of the common misconceptions about love that is meant to last is that there has to be an instant attraction between two people. In reality, physical attraction can be an important factor, yet it could also be completely misleading and short lived. This is why relationships between people who were friends first, are usually strong, healthy and lasting.

5. Don’t settle for an OK relationship

Ultimately, we can all feel what constitutes the right relationship for us, no matter how many disappointments it took to get us there. Therefore, we owe it to ourselves to not settle for anything less than that. Accepting an OK relationship out of fear of being alone robs us of our precious time we could spend focusing on ourselves and meeting the person who is just right for us.

This doesn’t mean that true and lasting love is perfect, there is no one with whom we are the absolute perfect match with, yet it takes less effort to work on a relationship once we meet someone we share the same goals with. – By Ana Erkic

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