Life’s but a wheel

A lot hits you in the forties. You suddenly come into the realisation that you and your agemates — with whom you did everything and were seemingly at par back in the day at school — are now on very different planes. Your social standing has become worlds apart. While some are living in plenty, others have failed to rise above the basics. Yet others are resignedly rolling on in mediocrity.

The paradoxical situations worth noting are where those that lagged behind in class and seemingly showed no hope of doing well in life are now the ones with the sprawling mansions in the ‘dale-dales’; while those star students in high school who had been billed in the yearbook as the ones “most likely to succeed” end up staying in Epworth, Matapi Flats in Mbare or other areas associated with low income.

Such is life and the fruits or lack thereof of someone’s fortunes or hardwork show most in years such as these  — the forties. That is when the chickens come home to roost. As peers take stock of their lives and those of people in their spheres of competition who started the race of life together with them in school or back in the hoods, it becomes apparent who has acquired what; who has done well and who has or doesn’t have something (anything) to show for it.

The different paths which people travel in their lives and the choices and decisions they opt for, are what make up the resultant differences in lifestyles later on in life. You may have started the race from the same point but will end up in different points. You may have started off in life higher and may end up lower or vice versa. And, also, there is the issue of time — how long it takes one person to get to a certain point is not necessarily the same time it takes the next person. 

And this goes for material gains such as property — your address, the wheels you are rolling in, the gadgets and toys in your life. It also goes for marital status and family. While one may marry at 22 and have three children by 35; another will marry at 30 and have five children by age 40; while another may not marry at all for whatever reason. Yet others may marry — and marry well — at the tender age of 25 and be divorced by 31. It really is different strokes for different folks.

It is said that our circumstances are a sum total of the choices and decisions we have made. And I want to hasten and say some key determinants of the kind of lives we end up living are the choices and decisions we made regarding specifics such as education, careers and life partners.  Those are the factors that are more often than not within one’s control (with a few exceptions to that). As for the rest — it is Providence.  What the Good Lord in his grand Universe has set aside to be your lot in life. Your pre-destination as it were.
Yet work hard we must, for that which we want, dream, wish or hope for.

Now as we toil on to ensure that in our spheres of competition we are not doing too badly against our peers, I advise three things:
1. Bloom where you are planted. — Whatever circumstance you find yourself in, make the best of it. In many cases it ceases to be about the type of hand you are dealt, but more about what you do with that hand.
2. Remember the serenity prayer. Recognise those things that you can do something about and those you cannot do anything about. Appreciate the difference, accept those you can’t do anything about and have the courage to tackle those you can change.
3. You may not be able to change the sky, but you can shift your ground. Further to the serenity prayer, realise that while you may not be able to change the sky above you, you sure can do something about the ground you are standing on. Change it. Move. Shift. It is well within you.
However, no matter what happens, let us never forget that life is but a wheel; up one day, down the next!

The Fabulous Forties column is for all readers: readers in their forties;  readers who were in their forties and who care to remember what it was like; and those readers still looking ahead to their forties and would like a foretaste. Contact: maggiemzumara@yahoo.ie