Managing live-wire relationships

“While you cannot change people, you can influence their behaviour”- Raphael Lapin

EVER had relationships around you, classified as “tread-with-caution” or more precisely “live-wire” because you can unexpectedly be electrocuted mentally? But what earns them this title? It could be a high standard of excellence they have, meaning you cannot just show up before them unprepared and haphazardly.

Perhaps they are in high-pressure environments, and you simply cannot afford to show up with no clarity of thought. Or they might be so structured that there must be some form of order, sequence and rhythm in how you connect. Is there anything wrong with being classified “live-wire”? Well, it’s not necessarily a bad title to earn or give someone. These are high-stakes relationships where the business benefits in maintaining the relationship in the long-run.

Betty Murambadoro is executive director, corporate & investment banking at Stanbic Bank Zimbabwe

Therefore, a must-keep, given the high returns. Agreed that live-wire personality types arise due to a myriad reasons, good or bad, but it is that art or science to learn to effectively deal with live-wire personalities and still get the business done. This is a key attribute in successful relationship management.

Reflecting on how it was so dicey and life-threatening for the biblical Queen Esther to approach her husband, the king, uninvited, she still did so persuasively and prevailed. She found a way to appeal to the king, taking the risk, knowing the king had the power to raise or not raise the sceptre, ultimately determining her fate.

Truly there is a way to navigate live-wire relationships with excellence and diplomacy. You can be very kind, yet firm enough to still disempower a live-wire personality, and with dignity too. Once tamed appropriately, a live-wire personality can achieve tremendous results. Think of the biblical Paul, a classic live-wire personality, who was managed appropriately by divine intervention, resulting in him authoring the multiple books of the Bible we benefit from today. Expertly managing live-wire relationships can reap abundant benefits.

In family environments, we all have that one person, who is dreaded by the clan, and you engage them at your own risk. However, there is always someone in the family who can impactfully permeate that personality and successfully act as an emissary for the rest of the clan to negotiate and position tough family matters. What is the fibre inherent in these people who can successfully tame and prevail over a live-wire personality? I almost fell off my chair last year when my 14-year-old son, Mukundi, proudly announced who the live-wires are in the family. I will not risk unpacking how the conversation went when I sought more clarity from my prince.

The late musician, Leonard Dembo’s lyrics for the song, “Manager”, were so instructive on how irrational it is for an employee to despise his or her manager, when in fact the very manager influences the future of employees’ family well-being. Or even a student cursing a teacher, who in fact imparts the much-needed education. The song portrays a live-wire case, where there just must be a way to navigate the manager or teacher in a developmental and responsible manner, even when they have erred.

If we take a look at the marketplace and professions, there are those who somehow seem to have it in them to just speed-dial that live-wire business partner. Others cannot understand how in the first instance you can dial that personality anytime, get the call answered collegially and graciously. How is this possible, when all the others quack in their boots just seeing this personality walk towards them?

Mike Teke wrote the insightful book, “The Future of Leadership is Collegiality”, and I drew so much out of his writing. You can be decent and polite in how you engage but this does not make you weak in navigating tough live-wire relationships. You can still call the shots in an accommodating way and with a smile too.

Conversely, I too can be that live-wire personality but remain collegial. The extent of collegiality must be balanced though, but one should be civil, human and still drive the right outcome without being dragged into unpleasant hostile moments. It is a journey learning not to fearfully play egg-shells tip-toeing around personalities deemed to be live-wire.

I learnt a new term at a recent training session that there can be “meeting silence” yet so much “corridor violence”, simply because we have not mastered the art or science of conversing with live-wire relationships confidently.

I aspire to get to levels where there are no unapproachable live-wire personalities around me. Who knows, we could be live-wire personalities to others. Some of the key learnings to us all, whether you have the tough task of navigating live-wire personalities or you are the live-wire personality yourself, here are some nuggets of how we can make relationships still work:

1. Sticking to factual information in articulating the situation at hand, guard against the conversation degenerating into undesirable zone;
2. Ensuring that professional words are used in written communication and less likely to be interpreted wrongly;
3. Choosing to do good is always rewarding in the long-run;
4. A strong work ethic will always stand out regardless of the live-wire personalities around;
5. Guard your sobriety at all times. Sheree Shereni nailed it expertly in her book, “To be Sober”, when she said that in managing tough relationships or situations we should aspire to be free from “intoxicating” influences removing us from sound judgment or clarity of mind. In reality, emotional intelligence ultimately sobers up live-wire situations and personalities. Sometimes the vocabulary of silence works too. You are less likely to be misquoted when you remain silent.
While there is no one uniform way of navigating live-wire relationships, I aspire that my level of relationship engagements grows to be H.O.T. “honest, open, transparent” in all my dealings. No live-wire relation can fail to appreciate the immense value derived from H.O.T. engagements in the long-run. Special thanks and acknowledgement to the recent teachings I derived from my pastor on how “H.O.T.” engagement style can tame the wildest of relationships. By Betty Murambadoro

Murambadoro is executive director, Corporate & Investment Banking at Stanbic Bank Zimbabwe