Mending strained relationships

Our attitude towards the truth and wisdom revealed in God’s word determines our failure or success in handling life’s tricky situations. In the opening verse quoted above the Bible makes it abundantly clear that it is harder to win back the trust and fellowship of an offended person than to conquer a strong city. Many contentions are involved between the offender and the offended, if things remain unreconciled. We must never work with assumptions where mending strained relationships is concerned. Real facts and figures are required to get the deal done.
Diligence, humility, tact, diplomacy, patience and wisdom are some of the critical ingredients we should use to settle differences between two striving persons. The assumption that time will heal all wounds is a fallacy; it may work once in one area but not all the times and in all things. Real work has to be done to get at the bottom of issues in question first and to start the healing process. Quick or instant healing is suspicious. Gradual recovery is the norm. Even forgiveness done promptly may have to be taken with a pinch of salt. The scalpel must probe the depths of the gangrene to remove the rotten blood clot before it starts to heal. And the surgeon must be patient and careful in removing the dirt lest he leaves the surgical blade inside the wound. And this would necessitate another surgery; inflicting more pain to the patient.
God does not treat offences lightly. Neither does He prescribe a quick fix or a careless lazy approach towards the remedy of offences. The wise King Solomon revealed God’s mind with regard to settling of offenses. He wrote in Proverbs 6:3-5, “. . . when thou art come into the hand of thy friend: go, humble thyself and make sure thy friend. Give not sleep to thine eyes, nor slumber to thine eyelids.  Deliver thyself as a roe from the hand of the hunter, and as a bird from the hand of the fowler.”
God, in these verses prescribes a diligent and deliberate approach to setting things right where an offense exists.
Failure to reconcile strained relationships leads to setting of snares and traps for each other.
A fine example of this is a broken relationship between Absalom and Amnon which was left unreconciled for two years.
The end of the strife was tragic as Amnon was killed at the command of Absalom. The account of this story is recorded in 2 Samuel 13. In brief, Amnon, a step-brother of Absalom, raped Tamar, a blood-sister of Absalom. The occasion infuriated Absalom so much but he kept quiet. It is written, “And Absalom spake unto his brother Amnon neither good nor bad: for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.” It was an evil silence.
After two full years Absalom invited his brother Amnon to a feast and he instructed his servants to kill him during his time of intoxication. That was done and Amnon died as result of the unsettled rape case. Normally, you would think that after two years of staying together as a family the offense healed itself. But that was not the case. Absalom was hunting his brother down and he found an opportunity to revenge after two full years.
The opening scripture is confirmed true by this incident; a brother offended is harder to be won. He is a hunter; hunting for an opportunity to even the scores.
Have you offended someone lately or long back? Make sure you are diligent to mend the relationship first before you are close buddies again.
First, get to the root of the issue between the two of you alone and get reconciled. If it is not possible then take a third party with you and try to settle the matter. If the offended says that they have already forgiven you at a distance or over the phone, do not buy it. Find a suitable place and express your apologies fully and humbly to him.
Normally, when you humble yourself to seek forgiveness and reconciliation in the presence of the offended you will be richly rewarded with a close fellowship again. But before this is properly done, be “wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove” in your dealings with the one you have slighted for they are probably fostering distrust and animosity against you.
Before reconciliation be careful about receiving favours from the offended; those favours are meant to make you an easy prey. Insist on mending the relationship in the right manner first before hugging at social events.
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