Reasons why divorce is so common these days
IF you think that sexual infidelity is the leading cause of divorce, you’ve got it all wrong. We polled over 100 YourTango Experts to see what they say are the top reasons married couples decide to split, and, believe it or not, communication problems came out on top as the number one reason marriages fail.
Here are some other culprits our experts blame for the alarmingly high divorce rate:
1. You jumped into marriage for all the wrong reasons
I’ve met many divorced women who say the problems that made them leave were there right from the beginning but “everyone expected us to live happily ever after” or “we had already spent so much money on the wedding” or “we had just built our dream home.” So, remember, until you say “I do,” you always have the choice to say “I don’t!”
2. You’ve lost your individual identity
If you are not comfortable doing things without your partner, or you don’t know what kind of music, movies, or food you used to like before they came around, you are likely in deep and you probably feel like you are drowning and don’t know why.
3. You’re consumed with your parental duties
As children grow and need less attention, many husbands and wives find that they have grown apart and they can’t remember why they ever got married in the first place, because they no longer have anything in common.
4. You don’t share the same vision of success
Why didn’t he mention these things before? Maybe you should have asked. Chances are that he hasn’t changed — your expectations did. Is it possible to survive major differences in philosophy? It is possible, but many do not.
5. Your sex life is nonexistent
Somewhere in a marriage there is a subtle change in the intimacy department. Then there’s the idea that he isn’t as romantic or she isn’t as sexual.
This subtle change can trigger a downward spiral in the intimacy department. Men generally need sexual receptivity to feel romantic and women generally need romance to be sexually receptive. As long as both people are getting what they need, they willingly provide what the other person wants.
But when there is a lessening on either’s part, that can trigger a pulling back in the other. If gone unnoticed and unchecked, before the couple realizes, they are seriously intimately estranged and wonder what happened. This can lead to divorce as couples begin to feel unloved and unappreciated.
6. Unmet expectations
When one or both people in the marriage are attempting to coerce each other into doing things they don’t want to do for their partner’shappiness, it is a recipe for disaster. When you are unhappy in a relationship, it’s okay to ask for the change you want. But, if your partner doesn’t oblige you, then you become responsible for your own happiness.
7. You handle finances in a completely different way
It’s not usually the lack of finances that causes the divorce, but the lack of compatibility in the financial arena.
Opposites can attract but when two people are opposites in the financial department, divorce often ensues. Imagine the conflict if one is a saver and one is a spender. One is focused on the future while the other believes in living for today. One has no problem buying on credit, while the other believes in saving up for what one wants.
Over time, this conflict can reach such heights that divorce seems to be the only logical conclusion.
8. There are no displays of physical affection between the both of you
9. You’re interested in different things
10. You can’t fix your problems without a fight
Every couple has disagreements. The key is to develop ground rules so that each partner feels respected and heard. Sometimes it takes a third party “referee” to help define those rules and teach us to move through the charged emotions so resentments don’t linger. – yourtango.com
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