Taming the tongue

I thought that learning appropriate register at school and effective communication skills at college and marriage seminars would completely resolve our verbal sins. But it seems, for me and many others, that this conflict is too difficult to resolve, even in a lifetime.
 Schools, colleges and seminars are very good and they offer us excellent knowledge and skills which should enable us to improve the effectiveness of our communication.
However, the devil lies in the implementation.
 We attend schools and colleges mainly to obtain a qualification and once we pass we forget about it. Seminars reveal what we require but lack of follow up in the homes and workplaces cause us to be ‘ever learning but never coming to knowledge.” The problem is that we fail to turn our head knowledge into heart knowledge.
The problems of an untamed tongue are too many. Lying, criticism, complaining, bearing false witness, gossip, deceit, tongue lash, slander, misrepresentation of facts are some of them.
According to James, the brother of Jesus, sins of the tongue are the most damaging of all the sins of the flesh. He devoted an entire chapter to the explanation of the wickedness of an untamed tongue. The most interesting part reads, “For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind. But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:2,5,7-8). I say Amen to James’ analysis.
How often have you seen a man, you thought was a respectable gentleman, lash out at his wife after being asked for money to buy a loaf of bread? He tells her off, “I am not a bank?” It is difficult to understand why he should say so. Since when did it require all the money in the bank to buy one loaf of bread?
All he means to say is that he does not have money on him at that moment.
But because his tongue is untamed it speaks fire. The tongue kindles a fire that will result in greater harm like domestic violence, divorce, and insecurity in the children. Gossip has set many houses on ‘fire’. One neighbour gossips in the ear of another, “I suspect that Ms Y is having an affair with her gardener. Why else should she take good care of him? She gives him good food, the same food she and family eat. After all her husband is dead, so it is very possible.” The neighbour who heard that goes to another friend of hers and declares, “Ms Y is stooping so low. She is bedding her garden boy.” The fire of gossip spreads until all the ‘holy’ friends of the innocent Ms Y desert her for stooping so low.
Verbal abuse often is rife between housemaids and housewives. The housewives may be pastors’ wives, church leaders or managers at work. You expect them to be polite, gentle but firm. But they breathe fire. We male pastors are also found wanting in this sin.
 We speak politely, gently and graciously to everyone else but our dearest wives and children. Is it any wonder then that most pastors’ children are rebellious? We excel at work but we fail dismally at home. The saying charity or love begins at home has some scriptural roots. The qualifications of a pastor according to Apostle Paul in 2 Timothy 3 are mostly homeward. “A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife; … but patient. One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)”
This sin of the flesh is not resolved by casting it out. It is resolved by the renewing of our minds through the word of God. The tongue is controlled not at the speech stage but at the thought stage.
The source of words is the heart because out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Change the source and you change the fruit of the lips as well.  This is not a sudden event but a gradual process. Taming beasts takes time and the same applies to our tongues. Yes, no man can tame the tongue but God can. The tongue is part of the body so it must be submitted as a living sacrifice before God so that we can use it as an instrument of righteousness.
Renouncing past wrong use of the tongue is important. Confessing every fresh wrong use of the tongue is required until victory is gained.
This victory in having the tongue controlled so we can ‘be slow to speak’ and give “a soft answer that turns away wrath’ comes along the line of cooperation between the discipline of the Spirit and our submission. The more submissive we are the faster is our tongue tamed by God.
Has your tongue been tamed yet?

– For prayer and counseling call 0772889766 or e-mail mairos78@yahoo.co.uk