Ten things your man may mean to, but not say to you

 Either because he doesn’t know how to diplomatically navigate the bombs and landmines imbedded in the subject matter; or he may not have the guts to face the ensuing wrath and venom that, he knows from past experience, you will unleash in typical hell-hath-no-fury fashion. So to maintain the peace, he will simply zip up his mouth and go about his business, preferring to forever hold his peace, if needs be. Or until he feels pushed into a corner and so incensed that he will blurt it out in anger and spite or with plain intent to cause grievous emotional harm.
Below are 10 of those things.
Baby, you have grown quite fat. When I met you one of the things I liked about you was your shape but eish now! Look at you. Can hardly recognise your geography under those layers.  He dare not say this for obvious reasons.  Women often want their men to be honest   them, but trust me, that honesty is qualified.  Fact is: not all truth is welcome. Some honesty is more acceptable and palatable than others.
Your mother is not exactly one of my favourite people, so when you come up with these requests for us to visit her, that’s why I always come up with excuses.
Your aunt (tete) is too forward (vakangwarisa). It borders on the loose. If it was up to me I would not have her anywhere near you, let alone anywhere close to our daughters. Lest whatever it is  she has or is, may rub off.
I find your friend very hot.  In fact way hotter than you if the truth be told.  Sometimes it is all I can do to keep my eyes off her.
I dreamt about another woman today.  Obviously a no-go area.
Your brothers are daft.  What happened to them?  They should wake up you know, and go out more often.
Honey, you darn spoil the kids with your ugly features. I wish they had taken my shape of the head not yours. And you know how these things are not changeable.
Babe you should shower before coming to bed when you are on your period.  The stench chokes me up. That’s why sometimes I sleep on the couch. It’s not really because I dozed off watching the English soccer. That is just a statement I give.
I wish you were more exciting .  You can be quite dull and dreary.
I wish you were more like your younger sister. 
Now that one’s got life. My bad, I guess I picked the wrong sister.
Next week we discuss 10 things that women would die to say to their men, but dare not. If you would like to make input on this, kindly get in touch with me on contact details below.
-Send comments to maggiemzumara@yahoo.ie Follow on Twitter @magsmzumara or visit www.maggiemzumara.com