Why marriages end, women cheat

The new millennium has seen an increase in love relationships and marriages collapsing. While social commentators cite economic hardships and an uneven population distribution, where females outnumber males, women insist it is the way their spouses express love that fuels infidelity.

Relationships and marriage counsellor, Laura Tivabve, said in her decade-long professional career, she has observed that relationships collapse due to lack of communication, lack of trust as well as failure to appreciate what appeals or doesn’t to a partner.

“One woman disclosed to me that she was ready to quit her 14-year-old marriage because her husband was secretive. She further charged that he never openly showed emotions of anger or happiness and that she was fed up living with a stranger,” Tivabve said.

Tivabve cited the Elephant Journal which quotes a woman in a similar situation who was anxious to understand the likes and dislikes of her husband. The woman said she needed to understand what is embarrassing, amazes and stimulates her spouse.

“This isn’t about prying into your private inner life, it’s about understanding what makes your heart soar and discovering what it really is that has birthed all those other things in and about you that I have fallen in love with.

“Talk to me, share with me what you are excited about, get mad and frustrated if I don’t understand or agree sometimes, don’t be afraid to be excited about something in front of me, let your face spontaneously contort into a million different expressions without trying to mask it into a placid something that you think I’d want to see. Just be you.”

A Harare woman who identified herself as Mai Moyo, said at times women are forced into infidelity not by choice but through the need to change their environment. She accused most men of being selfish and mean to the extent that they could not even appreciate the good things done for them.

“I cook, wash, spread the bed for my man everyday — at times even when I am sick. I give him his conjugal rights whenever he feels like. Despite all the effort, I don’t get a thank you or appreciation. I remember he last told me I am beautiful a few days after our wedding. I would rather opt for a man who appreciates me than an ungrateful brat,” Mai Moyo said.

Rachel Mataga (not her real name) is married to a wealthy man who controls major stakes in blue chip companies in Harare. They stay together in a mansion in the affluent suburb of Chishawasha Hills. Though swimming in material abundance, in her marriage, Rachel is a bitter woman. She argues that her husband has no time for her since he spends much of his energy and a better part of each and everyday strategising to make his companies competitive in the economically volatile situation prevailing in the country.

“Every day he retires to bed around four o’clock in the morning and will be too exhausted to touch me or even speak to me. Even our children hardly know him. Every day our driver takes the children to school. He has no time to take the family for vacation or weekends out. At the end of the day I don’t enjoy the marriage despite living in a sea of money and plenty to spare,” Rachel complained bitterly.

She confided that she was in love with the garden boy who spends most of his time at home. She said despite being poor, the garden boy was sociable, loving attentive and caring.

“The garden boy is my saviour because he quenches my sexual thirst. I don’t mind that he doesn’t buy flowers or perfumes for me. I like the way he makes love to me and cares for my children. I wouldn’t mind having a child with him because he has a human heart. However, I play the cards close to my chest because if my husband discovers the illicit affair, that will be the end of our lives,” Rachel said.

A student at a Harare college who identified herself as Tafadzwa said she has been in love with a fellow student for close to four years now. Despite loving her boyfriend so much, she said economic hardships had forced her to fall in love with a rich man old enough to be her father.

“I am an orphan with school fees to pay and I must also commute to college every day. My boyfriend is a student as well and relies on his parents for money. In the end, though painful, I end up cheating on him,” Tafadzwa said.

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