Relationship management 101: Flashback to childhood

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“If you take a sincere interest in others, they’ll take a real interest in you. Build relationships, don’t collect them.” -Rebekah Radice

IT is puzzling how in my childhood years we rejoiced at the sudden arrival of guests, some with unannounced intention of staying over a night or two. In our world then, it was an honour to be thought of and visited by anyone. The guests rarely came empty-handed, so selfishly, our joy was partly because of the goodies to be enjoyed as the guests unpacked their bags. It was common to disrupt a meal to allow the guests to partake of the very food we were eating. So strong were the relations across the neighbourhood that anyone could discipline anyone’s child. So confusing it was for me growing up in a suburb where you were everyone’s business and raised by the whole village. The relationships were so intense, that there was no need for formal invitations to a graduation, birthday or wedding party. It was an open invitation to the neighbourhood by word-of-mouth, out of sense of belonging. 
I believe this was some form of modern-day relationship marketing, where the focus is on long term continuity of a relationship than a once-off transactional engagement. The bonding was so deep that at some stage I had several mothers, fathers, aunts and uncles, due to their frequency at our doorstep. Harvests were freely given to any neighbour who passed by, be it fruit, vegetables or even live chickens, I would see neighbours give cheerfully. Some would even go to the extent of baking cup-cakes and donating to a neighbour who was unexpectant of such a delicious windfall. The logic of all such “philanthropy” back then still puzzles me.
Even at funerals, the bonding was so evident. I remember how neighbours would caucus with each other in deciding who would accompany the bereaved to a funeral so far from our home town Gweru, all in solidarity with a mourning neighbour. Not at any point did I hear of the costs of such benevolence or who would reimburse the expenses. The stampede to bring in cooking utensils and ingredients at funerals was so overwhelming. It was as if they were competing to outdo each other in doing good. There was no compulsion to do so; it was simply a noble act.
Fast forward to modern day life, the very acts that were acceptable back then now seem difficult to process. I wonder if words like “inconvenience”, “budget”, “time management”, “privacy” and “appointment” were common vocabulary back then. I will not risk debating this. But certainly, there are valuable lessons I am drawing from my childhood years in Mkoba, Gweru. 
Relationship Management 101 tips I have drawn from how life happened in my childhood years:

1. Be willing to serve ― The neighbours were rarely recruited into serving, yet they heartily served for no monetary reward. In the marketplace we are actually compensated for serving, but the question is whether we are delivering service commensurate;
2. Make it your mission to have a positive influence on everyone you encounter ― The stampede for voluntary work at a neighbour’s bereavement or celebratory festivities was mind-blowing. Anticipate a need and strive to be the game-changer, not necessarily in monetary terms but acts of kindness can be in form of investment of your time or energy. In the marketplace, I celebrate business partners’ journeys from who they were before, the value we added in enabling growth and how we weathered seasons together; 
3. Have a sense of urgency ― In my neighbourhood issues were attended to almost immediately, with either action or acknowledgement on the matter. Similarly, in the marketplace, strong relationships require a sense of urgency and responsiveness to ensure trust and collaborative growth.
4. Foster mutually beneficial relationships ― In my childhood years the guests rarely came empty-handed and admittedly this energised the hosts to go all-out in their hospitality. In the marketplace, we likewise should strive to add value to each other’s strategic priorities. There has to be some reciprocity;
5. Connect authentically and do not tire from doing good ― Neighbours deemed to be not so pleasant received neighbourhood support, which they gracefully embraced. In the marketplace aspire to set a standard of goodness which can influence all business partners to improve in their conduct;
6. At times, learn not to give with expectation of receiving back from the very person you have done good to ― The neighbours rarely took stock of who-did-what-for-who, as a basis of determining future support to give. I listened to an intriguing sermon emphasising that “you reap what you sow” and not “reap where you sow”. Somehow your good gestures eventually get rewarded, but not necessarily directly from the very person you did good to. In the marketplace I have celebrated numerous wins not necessarily directly linked to those I have done good to;
7. Be present in all seasons ― In my neighbourhood there were “permanent faces” you knew would show up at every event, from funerals to celebratory parties. In the marketplace, the bonding similarly deepens when we weather the storms together and are also present to pop champagne on achieving key milestones;
8. Stay in touch ― I still visit Mkoba to check on my folks who are in my childhood home. I enjoy going door-to-door and am fascinated by the sense of accountability expected of me particularly by my late mum’s friends. In the marketplace, a combination of pulse-check calls, face-to-face visits and catchup email can do such wonders in keeping relationships warm. People do business with people they like. Repeat sales should happen naturally because you are top-of-mind to your business partners.
   I could not resist making this eighth article venture into my childhood memories of how relationships were modelled back then. As my church leader recently put it “relationships always triumph over transactions”. Happy New Year and let’s journey on together building impactful lifetime relationships. By Betty Murambadoro
   l Murambadoro is the executive director, Corporate and Investment Banking for Stanbic Bank Zimbabwe.