Mixing vintage wines with veteran cars

My daughter clearly is very much aware of my weaknesses and sprung a Father’s Day surprise on me, collecting me at my doorstep and chauffering me to the venue in her freshly-cleaned Polo 1,6 Comfortline. As I am the one who is normally galvanised into cleaning the aforementioned car, its pristine state did not escape my attention, but I deliberately made no comment in the certain knowledge that she would question whether “I had noticed”.
Sure enough, she could contain herself no longer and shortly before we climbed into the mist-shrouded mountains to the north east of Stellenbosch, the inevitable question was popped! I certainly had noticed, but quietly wished that she lavished this sort of attention on her car a little more regularly.
Good advice had been proffered by someone in the know that an early arrival at the museum, meaning 10:00 am, would pay big dividends and so it proved as we enjoyed uncrowded viewing for a good thirty minutes or so.  Thereafter, the menses arrived in their droves, but by this time, we were as good as on our way home.
Cars are displayed by era in what I am guessing were vineyard store rooms, and while most are fully restored, there are some that still show the scars of a long life on the road. 
I have to admit to not really being a fanatic of veteran cars, which doubtless won’t please Paul Domoney and his fellow club members in Harare, but it was great to see such a spread of makes and models and to marvel that human beings actually travelled in such crude devices.
As the years rolled by, so to speak, it became apparent that many of the primarily American-sourced vehicles had come from a collector in Bloemfontein as the OB registration proved.
I wondered how many garages this gentlemen might have had just as I wondered about the size of the garages which were needed to house a couple of simply grotesque Cadillacs of the early sixties. 
These “barges” were symptomatic of all that was wrong with the American motor industry, featuring more chrome than Zimbabwe’s mines extract in a decade and tail fins that rival the vertical appendage attached to the rear of an Airbus A380.
The building housing the most modern vehicles was the last we entered and my eyes popped out of my head as I spotted the racing car I revere more than any in history: a Porsche 956 in factory Rothmans colours.
This 1982 example, in simpy stunning condition, carried the racing number 2 and the names of sportscar stalwarts J. Ickx and J. Mass who apparently drove this very example to victory in the Kyalami Nine Hour Enduro of that year.
This Porsche, forerunner of the most successful racing sports car models in history (the victory march spanned an incredible 16 years), surely represented the biggest-ever single advance in racing car design as it does not look out of place 27 years later.
Still bubbling like an excited school boy, my delight reached new hei-ghts when a Ferrari Enzo, a car Michael Schumacher helped develop, and a Porsche Carrera GT (featuring a still-born Le Mans racing V10) hove into view. 
To my surprise, the young gentleman looking after the display was very happy to start the engines of these sports car icons.
First the Porsche. It fired instantly and settled into a super smooth whirring idle that gave not the slightest indication that it produces enough power to slingshot this mid-engined smoothie to 160 km/h in a scant 7,2 seconds.
Once the oil had warmed a little, the accelerator was stabbed downwards and the most intoxicating, howling bark I have ever heard massaged my ears and brought a crowd through the door in seconds. 
Goosebumps were very much in evidence! And just in case you think I am daft going nuts over the sound a car makes, take a trip out on You Tube on the WWW and type in “Porsche Carrera GT sounds”. There are videos for Africa produced by fanatics all over the world who find this V10 sound simply intoxicating.
The Ferrari, naturally in red, looked more dramatic and flashy than the suave silver-suited German and its engine note too was not quite as silky, but my word, it too was awesome.
The idle was gruff and slightly rattly as a fleet of pistons and camshaft drives did their work, but all this faded into utter obscurity as the pedal was applied. 
A devastating de-ep bark echoed through the building and extracted grins of pure delight even from members of the fair sex.
Quite how this car passes Switzerland’s ridiculous sound regulations (maybe it does not) is another story, but who cares when the passage of exhaust gases through a complex series of convoluted pipes makes music like this. I felt sure Ludwig von Be-ethoven would approve.
The museum is about an hour’s drive from Cape Town and more information can be accessed on www.fmm.co.za
E-Class rolls in
The South African Sunday press featured a massive advertising splurge for the new Merc E-Class, which has just been launched in the Republic. The new iteration of what traditionally has been M-B’s prime profit driver (I doubt the outgoing model earned that status) has received a very enthusiastic response in Europe, but regrettably, given Zimbabwe’s continuing pariah status, yours truly did not get invited to the South African press launch so I can only pass on what I read and glean from sources that I know to be reliable.
Doubtless, certain members of the House of Assembly will be licking their chops in anticipation of a new set of smart wheels. They will also probably be pleased that Zimoco’s showroom is no more than a hop, skip and a jump away, but there again, maybe Comrade Biti will still be vigorously punting the virtues of the apparently unwanted Mazda BT50 sourced from WMMI.
Whatever, it does seem that if you order a really well specced E, you will find that most of your driving chores are taken care of by computer controlled electronic devices. 
The aforementioned ad campaign devotes an entire A3 page to the following driver-assist devices:  Adaptive Brake: Adaptive High Beam Assist: Brake Assist: Distronic Plus: Adaptive Brake Lights: Attention Assist: Intelligent Light System: Parktronic: Lane Keeping Assist: Night View Assist Plus: Reversing Camera: Blind Spot Assist.
No mention is made of a pot hole detector and doubtless the lane keeping assist device will be horribly confused by the lack of lane markings in Zimbabwe.
And please make sure you do not activate the camera in any “sensitive” location or you could find yourself receiving assistance to the nearest police station.
That’s rich
China’s “Quality Inspection Agency” has banned the importation of certain Renault models on the grounds that they present serious safety risks and do not meet (undefined) technical standards. I suggest that the members of this agency take a close look at some of their home-derived products, which would not pass muster alongside some scotchcarts.
Europe’s front runners
I do not think too many car manufacturers would disagree that Western Europe represents the most sophisticated car market in the world. This region is after all the home of the motor car and it is a market in which, virtually every one of the globe’s manufacturers vies for sales.
The “luxury” class is especially competitive and it may surprise many of you to know that the front runner in this class is Audi followed by Mercedes-Benz and then BMW.
Frankly, I am not surprised as I have thought for some time that Audi offers the most appealing range of cars in the business and that their products are invariably the best constructed if not always the most involving to drive.
Mercedes is in something of a rebuilding phase following the unfortunate cost and therefore, quality cutting campaign apparently initiated by the long-departed Jurgen Schremmp.
There is a new freshness to the design execution of the most recent Mercs and there is absolutely no doubt that attention to detail is very much back in evidence.
As for BMW, they continue to make the most involving driving machines around and their technical prowess, especially engine-wise, remains unimpaired. Sadly though, many styling traits initiated by their former American-born  design chief, Chris Bangle, simply have not gelled.
To my eyes, the 1-Series is something of a mobile disaster area and nearly every model from this range up has been saddled with headlights that look like an angry owl.
Interestingly, the latest introductions such as the 7-Series have eschewed this styling oddity and many of the plethora of curves, creases and swage lines have also departed.  
Expect a fairly rapid return to the elegant, sporty executions that made BMW the best seller in its class (in W.Europe) not so long ago.
Top Gear, BBC-style
I wonder how many of you saw last week’s BBC Top Gear programme as broadcast in the UK? A very special black Ferrari was lined up on Top Gear’s airfield track with the mysterious Stig (this is the name given by Jeremy Clarkson to the programme’s track driver whose identity is always masked by a full face helmet with dark tinted visor) at the wheel.
The Stig, in an imperious display of controlled pace, smashed the track record by nearly seven seconds and then made an appearance in the marquee studio along with the Clarkson, Hammond and  May, plus the studio guests.
Given the extraordinary track exploits of the Stig that day, the mystery driver was greeted with unusual enthusiasm as he pushed through the throng. When Clarkson suggested he remove his helmet and reveal his identity, the onlookers went into a near frenzy. As the helmet came off, bedlam broke out as the driver was revealed to be none other than Michael Schu-macher!
This simply had to be one of Jeremy Clarkson’s greatest moments on TV and precipitated endless debate as to whether Schumacher really was the genuine Stig.