Stabilising your marriage

 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let very woman have her own husband.
The Bible gives us many reasons for marriage. One reason people marry is for procreation, that is, for having babies (Gen. 1:27,28; Psalm 127). Another reason why people enter into a covenant of marriage is for the comfort, encouragement, strength and support realised in partnership or friendship during times of stress, crises and bereavement (Gen. 24:66,67).  The other reason why spouses should leave their parents and cleave to one another is for recreation or pleasure in sex (Prov. 5:15-20; Songs 5:1). It is clear in the opening scripture above that the Apostle Paul was referring to the latter, that is the meeting of the basic need for sexual pleasure between a male and the female counterpart in a worthy manner.
 Members of a church at Corinth should have written to Paul enquiring about God’s view concerning marriage and marital sins of fornication and adultery.
In his response recorded in First Corinthians chapter seven Apostle Paul seemed to have been tempted to suggest celibacy or complete abstinence but he quickly realised that the need for sexual pleasure would lead people to fornication if they do not marry. So he then emphasised the need to fulfill sexual desires in a wholesome way.
He commanded that each man should have his own wife and vice versa so that they could meet their sexual needs in a proper marital setting. He denounced fornication which is pre-marital sex.
Having denounced fornication and admonished marriage of one wife and one husband Apostle Paul went on to highlight major things that would safeguard the sacredness and intimacy of a marriage. These things could and still can stabilise marriages today.
The first of these stabilising factors is that each spouse should have the disposition to do good towards his or her partner and to show him or her kindness. This inclination of goodwill and kindness towards one’s partner means having your partner’s best interests at heart and to wish him or her well in both word and deed.  In other words no matter how the outcome looks but the intention or motive behind should always be to please your partner and not to hurt him or her.
Paul presents this stabilising factor in verse 3, “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence and likewise the wife also unto the husband.” The word benevolence is interpreted to mean a disposition or inclination to do good or show kindness. This means each spouse should show ultimate attention for the care of the other person not oneself or many other people.  Seek to please him or her first before anyone else including children, parents and in-laws.  After God your partner is the next in priority. Love, care, money and other provisions should be channelled towards the happiness of your spouse.     
The second stabilising factor involves giving up your claim to your rights to yourself.  Most of us are control freaks; we want absolute control of ourselves. But a person loses some measure of control of one’s self in two ways: when you accept Christ as your Lord and when you marry. Paul says, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath no power of his own body, but the wife” (v.4).
This verse talks of recommending clothes for another, reserving your sexual organs for your spouse only and assuming responsibility for the physical needs and material needs of your partner. You prefer one another in honour.
The last stabilising factor in the given context of safely and worthily fulfilling sexual desires in marriage involves satisfying your spouses’ emotional and sexual needs. Paul writes in verse 5, “Defraud ye not one the other , except it be with consent  for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and pr-ayer; and co-me together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
It is fascinating that Satan is mentioned here in connection with sexual intimacy. Of course that is where the temptation to destroy the marriage is strongest.  The words “defraud not” and “with consent” are suggestive of mutual understanding, agreement and assuming responsibility for the emotional needs of the other person. Myths, lies and misinformation about sex must be exposed and rejected while the truth about sex must be known and applied.
The Bible says that couples can abstain from sex only to concentrate in prayer and fasting and with consent for that matter, not to abstain during pregnancy or as a punitive measure or to allow distance to separate you for a long time. Failure to obey this injunction causes us to fall prey to the adversary who is roaring around seeking whom he may devour.  If the issue of unsatisfying sex remains unresolved the devil will pounce in the form of adultery which is sex outside marriage. In this epistle God showed us how to stabilise our marriages and to avoid fornication and adultery. But, what if the avoidance theory fails and you find that your spouse is cheating on you? What can you do to stabilise a marriage affected by an extra-marital affair?
– Sms your answers to 0712 877180 or email your short answers to mairos78@yah-oo.co.uk for publication.