Stabilising your marriage

First respondent: I find your article very educative and those with ears have heard. Marriage is a very powerful covenant which should not be broken in any other way. What God has joined let no man put asunder. I see a lot of men committing adultery at the expense of their wives and children. I have a very good example of a lady who has failed the avoidance theory. She is in love with married men and they cannot resist her. She is a widow. Her husband passed away in 2008.
I have tried so many times to give her light on what she is doing but she turns a deaf ear. She is spreading HIV and her boyfriends cannot see it.  These men have failed to control themselves and are putting their families at risk. This lady has a stable job but she seems not to get enough. I think with your educative article, people will realise their mistakes and love their families dearly. They will also learn to put God first.
Second respondent:  To stabilise a marriage affected by an extra-marital affair I will totally fence with runyoka. And you can go anywhere around the world and still find each other safe. Kurova, kupopota, muteuro hazvishande (Beating up, strife, and prayer will not solve anything). 
Comments: People’s behaviour seems to be changing very little where avoiding illicit sex is concerned.
Both men and women are to blame.
Widows and widowers must re-marry if they cannot live without a spouse. If you are demonically influenced for illicit sex, seek deliverance early. Fencing your marriage with runyoka is highly controversial at best and divinely damned at the worst. Runyoka is good at exposing the sin of another while hiding yours. It violates the identity, individuality and human right of the victim. We must not take the law into our hands but we must allow human judges and God to judge sin. However, respondent number two is very right in saying that fighting and strife will not solve anything. Prayer can help.
There are spiritual and medical steps that can be taken in an attempt to stabilise a marriage affected by extra-marital affairs.
General spiritual steps in resolving offences between Christians in conflict are listed in Matthew 18:15-17.
First step is for the offended one to pray for self-control and calmness and then to tell the offending partner of his or her fault. Only the two of them should be involved at this stage. This confrontation is healthy but must be done in secret and at the right time.
Strife should be avoided, wait for tempers to cool and discuss it when you both of you have gained your equilibrium.
Frankness is required and genuine reasons and explanations of unmet needs should be made bare.
If you resolve the issue and commit to faithfulness in future, you have gained your offending partner. Medical assurance of your health status is necessary to remove all uncertainty before you start a new life.
The second step is only necessary if the offending partner is stubborn or if the offended one cannot control his or her rage. Take two or three witnesses who should be spiritually mature and trusted friends or relatives, who sympathise with both of you.
Cooperation of others is in line with Proverbs 11:14 which says, “where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” If you reconcile at this stage fair and fine but medical assurance of health status is required for your emotional stability. The third and final stage is reached if the first two resolve nothing. It talks of bringing the case to the church leadership for discipline. If the matter is resolved amicably thank God but testing for STIs is still necessary to remove lingering doubts in the mind.
However, if the offending partner remains adamant or the offended one demands divorce then separation or divorce can be allowed since divorce necessitated by adultery is biblically warranted though grudgingly.
But let the partners consider carefully the consequences of divorce like devastation of children emotionally and otherwise, the fact that problems of rebound marriages can be worse and the burdens of single parents.
– Feedback: call 011877810 or email mairos78@yahoo.co.uk