January 9, 2025
Are you ready for a successful conference, Cdes?
I am satisfied with the preparations so far, and I don’t see any reason why this conference should not be the mother of all conferences, considering the fact that it comes at a time when we are coming from the most difficult period since we came to power.
I am so happy that our fund-raising event was unbelievably successful. It was Cde Simon’s idea . . . the few years we sent him down south as he was smarting from that unfavourable election result of 2000 are bearing fruit now . . . since his return to chair the party, he has been all over the place . . . that is what a full time worker of the party should be like . . . the party has to be visible throughout. I am told that our ANC colleagues down there do it regularly and the event has become a must-attend for all serious businesspeople there . . . why should it not be here? We are naturally the ruling party and who-so-ever wants to do business in this country should know the first port of call. They do it all over the world . . . even in the so-called western democracies, they do it and noone raises those silly issues like abuse of office and extortion . . . so why should those come about when our party do the same?
Naturally we managed to raise quite a substantial amount of money, just in time for our conference. What most of you Cdes should know is that — apart from our quite a number of our own members — most of the so-called businesspeople who attend our event do not do so sincerely . . . most of them are opportunists who are attracted by the vast opportunities that have arisen in the Marange diamond area . . . and some of them could have been planted by our detractors, so we have to be very careful and alert about who we share confidential information with.
Now everything is set for the big event . . . this time around we should celebrate in such a way that will shame all our detractors . . . many of them were quite convinced that our party was down and out . . . especially after we were forced by circumstances to enter into this silly coalition with sell-outs . . . that is if we can still call it a coalition any more because we are back in the driving seat once again. When we come from the conference, we should be ready to romp home to our traditional resounding victories.
I am happy that these WikiLeaks people released those cables just on time! I am told there is a big funeral at Harvest House!
Kindest regards
Yours Sincerely
ME
. . . AND NOW TO THE NOTEBOOK
Apart!
AS much as we would like to dream that educated as we pretend to be we are now at par with other democracies in the world, Africans are still miles behind. Infact nothing has really changed from those dreary days of feudal chiefs . . . paramount chiefs, and sub-chiefs etc, etc. The fact that some of us can speak the Queen’s language in all its dialects and even better than its owners does not put us anywhere near civilisation. We are still what we used to be like before the Rudd Concession was signed. Naturally, we would like to pretend otherwise!
Only last week South Korea’s defence minister Kim Tae-young had no choice but to tender his resignation after the belligerent North decided to fire some missiles on one of their little island in the middle of the night. There was criticism that the South’s response was too slow. And Kim thought as the minster responsible, the most honourable thing to do was to step down. Imagine that sort of unpatriotic mischief ever happening in this country! Talk of civilisation!
We have people who become Cabinet ministers because they are professional criminals . . . their CVs include running down banks, stealing from the poor, killing their opponents’ supporters among other misdemeanors. That earns them title “shefu” forever! If only CZ had no conscience as to be a politician!
Just wait and see this brother who was recently in the news about his massive looting being promoted!
Love
We loved the coincidence that a daily paper published a story of unpatriotic new farmers leasing their idle farms to former white commercial farmers (what’s wrong with that?) on the same day online publications published a comprehensive list of multiple farmer owners in this country! Is the importance of land based on who owns it or on achieving maximum production? We are told that those realistic farmers are going to be dealt with accordingly. They were supposed to be patriotic enough to just watch those vast tracks of land lie fallow year in and year out instead of inviting those skunks to embarrass patriotic farmers by their jaw-dropping bumper harvests!
Unfortunate
It was sad and unfortunate that poor CZ could not raise a princely US$200 to invite himself to this week’s “Business Meeting ZANU-PF” function. We hope this would be an annual event “till donkeys grow horns” . . . maybe CZ would be able to grate-crash!
Chicken test
And now to the chicken test. This seemingly simple question was taken around many characters: Why did the chicken cross the road?
1. Kindergarten teacher: To get to the other side.
2. The Pope: God knows.
3. ZRP officer: Give me 10 minutes with the chicken and it will confess why!
4. Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
5. Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion from the chicken and we were justified in dropping 50 tonnes of nerve gas on it.
6. Martin Luther King Jr: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.
7. George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
8. Nelson Mandela: Never again, will the chicken be questioned for crossing the road. This is an ideal for which I am prepared to die for.
9. Thabo Mbeki: We need to establish if really there is a connection between the chicken and the road.
10. Great Uncle: For all of these years the road has been owned by the white farmers, the poor underprivileged chicken has waited too long for that road to be given to him and now he is crossing it in force with his fellow war veteran chickens.
We intend taking over this road and giving it to the road-less chickens so that they can cross it without fear of retribution from Britain who promised money to institute road reform.
We will not stop until all roadless chickens have roads to cross and the freedom to cross them.
11. Jacob Zuma: I am gravely suspicious that this question is being asked with a malicious intention to trap me, send the Scorpions to raid my chicken run, haul me before the courts and charge me for sodomising the chicken that walked across the road towards me as it was running away from an advancing light shower!
12: Bill Clinton: I did not have any sexual relations with that chicken!
13: Patrice Motsepe (SA billionare businessman): How much is the road, plus the chicken?
14: Julius Malema: We must uphold the highest standards of integrity.
If we do not value organisational discipline, then the chicken won’t be able to cross the road, we are behind the chicken 101 percent and if need be, we are willing to take up arms to support the chicken to continue crossing the road. I will kill for the chicken, Viva chicken!
15: Morgan Tsvangirai: Munoti murikushaya chicken? Muchashaisisa! (You think there is shortage of chicken? It will get worse!).
16. Barack Obama: Everybody from Ohio to Mississippi knows that the chicken CAN. Yes it CAN cross the road. That’s the change we want.
