Reconciling with an offended person

Perhaps you dread to travel to your rural village or to where your relatives are gathering for Christmas celebrations because you fear to meet with a relative you offended. You have managed to keep yourself away from that person for a long time but a guilt conscience continues to assault you.
You have prospered in many areas of your life but this unreconciled “item” fills your soul with much anxiety because that offended person contributed to your success. You also know that in spite of their kindness and helpfulness you unjustly repaid them evil for good. “If only she could forgive me, my life would be a complete joy,” you quietly say to yourself. 
You feel free to go anywhere in the world, but the place where your offended relative stays has become a “no go area” or a danger zone for you. Yet that is the only place where you find the most fulfilment and joy. It seems to be your home place. And home is sweet. Do not despair; there is a way out. You are not alone.
Jacob felt the same. He had reached the crest of his success in accumulating material wealth but felt the urgent need to reconcile with his offended brother Esau. He got what he wanted but he was not content with what he got. He felt that his success was not smart; he had infringed on the rights of another. He had hurt the hair of his brother Esau on his way up the ladder of success.
He realised that ultimate success in life does not consist in the abundance of your possessions but in having a clean conscience towards all men and having your soul resting in peace. He took the initiative to amend his ways and to get back into good fellowship with his brother.
The steps of reconciliation that Jacob followed can work for you too. They are effective even if the person you offended is a friend, a spouse you separated with, a generous employer, an invaluable employee, a child or parent, a workmate or a brother or sister in Christ. The steps are as follows:
The softening power of prayer
The first step in the ministry of reconciliation is praying to God that your reconciling efforts or apology may be accepted by the offended. Remember the opening verse says that a brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city. This means he is more inclined to revenge than to reconcile.
But your prayers soften the heart of the offended and they dissipate fear from your heart. Jacob prayed, “Deliver me, I pray thee, from the hand of my brother . . . for I fear him, lest he will smite me” (Gen 32:11).    
The persuasive power of a gift
A pleasant gift offered to the offender at the right time and in the right place, through a wise messenger can pacify anger. Proverbs 21:14 says, “A gift in secret pacifieth anger: and a reward in the bosom strong wrath.”
Send the present at the appropriate time of joy like at a birthday, wedding, anniversary, graduation etc. Do not go in person; send a wise go-between. Your gift will act as your forerunner and will make room for the final acceptance of your person.
Proverbs 18:16 reads, “A man’s gift maketh room for him and bringeth him before great men.” It is your gift that will bring you before them not the other way round. If your gift is not accepted; pray again and wait to do it again.
Normally, the offended party will reveal his feelings at the presentation of your gift and that will give you direction. If the gift is accepted, then proceed to meet them in person at the right time. Jacob sent droves of gifts ahead of him to pacify Esau’s anger before he met him in person (Genesis 32:20).
Wooing power of humility
Swallowing your pride is the final step. When you meet the offended party do not act like all is well because all is not well yet. Humble yourself both in posture and speech.
Remember, you are the one in need of forgiveness, so get it at all cost. “And he (Jacob) passed over before them, and bowed himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother” (Gen 33:3).
Humility, sincere confession of wrongdoing and penitence are strong tools of reconciliation. They cannot fail of their purpose. See how Esau was moved with compassion and love towards his brother’s humility. He “ran to meet him, embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him and they wept”. Esau’s tears of forgiveness mingled with Jacob’s tears of repentance, and good fellowship was restored.
However, it is important to note that it required both the initiative of the offender and the positive response of the offended to get the deal done. So the offended parties should be prepared to accept sincere apologies and to refrain from revenge.
– For prayer and counsel call 0772 889 766 or e-mail: mairos78@yahoo.co.uk