Evil counsel breaks marriages

ESTHER 1:19 “…that Vashti is never again to enter the presence of King Xerxes.”

Evil counsel is the sharp razor that cuts asunder most marriages. While promiscuity, irretrievable differences, and living apart for a long time are normally the main grounds for the termination of the marriage contracts, most marriages would not break under these circumstances if no evil counsel is accepted by one or both parties to the marriage.

Despite the fact that events in the book of Esther were divinely orchestrated, there is a powerful marriage-saving lesson we can glean from the behaviour of the king in the face of a marital conflict. When queen Vashti refused to come and display her beauty as the king had commanded under the influence of wine, instead of seeking private audience with the queen to ascertain whether her refusal was along the lines of modesty or disobedience, he unwittingly set the issue before his court officials.

He was given evil counsel to divorce her by one of his wise men called Memucan. Memucan’s advice was legally accurate and profound as evidenced by its winning the general consent of all present. But the issue at hand was more of love than law. Queen Vashti must have been a very modest woman. She knew that her husband’s request to display her beauty to the public was prompted by intoxication and loss of good sense. Unfortunately, she was harshly judged and replaced by another. Her fate was the work of a trusted but evil counsellor.             

The critical stage of any marriage conflict is the resolution stage. It is this stage that either breaks or makes it. When your partner breaks faith with you by being involved in an extra-marital affair, whose advice do you seek about what to do? When you feel that distance is negatively affecting your marriage, who do you confide in about your concerns? When you think you have failed to reconcile the differences between your partner and yourself, which third party do you consult for solutions?  Though the Bible instructs that two people involved in a disagreement may seek the help of a third party after failing to resolve the matter between themselves, the third person must not be just anyone. Spouses must understand that when they seek advice, they should not look for someone who is a yes-man to what they say, nor a friend, a relative, or one who is nearby. Neither should it be someone who does not wish you well.

You need someone who is knowledgeable, objective, dispassionate, skilled, prayerful, strong on God’s word and full of wisdom. Any other may be the catalyst to the breakdown of your marriage.

It is quite surprising that informed spouses select best schools for their children, best family doctors for their physical health and best garages for their vehicle maintenance; but when it comes to marriage conflict resolution they are careless in their selection of advisors and helpers. While there are experienced pastors and professional counsellors, there is need to pray earnestly for God to show you what to do, who to see and what to say. Never pray or seek counsel with a made up mind. Preconceived notions harden you against wise advice and sound counsel.

For prayer and counsel call 0772889766 or email mairos78@yahoo.co.uk