Trading marriage

Three different ladies approached me at different times for counsel and wisdom to save their marriages which are    on the verge of collapse. Two of them said they had been left here in Zimbabwe with two little children each seven years ago when their husbands went to the United Kingdom. They are receiving financial support from their husbands but the glaring question is, “What about sexual intimacy?”
One of them went on to say that she feels she has been reduced to a mere maid who is paid for looking after the children. The third lady’s woes are more intricate. She was left one year after their wedding with no child. She has received no financial support from her husband for the past five years. Her pertinent question is, “Pastor, what does a marriage entail? I provide everything for myself and all attempts to reunite are fruitless.”
These examples are just a sample of a myriad of marital conflicts emanating from the great gulf existing between people in the Diaspora and their spouses stuck here in Zimbabwe. In almost every church in our nation there is at least one husband or wife complaining of being left alone or deserted by his or her spouse.
Reuniting these couples has proved to be difficult as the entry doors into Western nations, especially the United Kingdom, have become very narrow and impenetrable. Those spouses who are abroad can come back but will not as they cite economic hardship in their native country and lack of proper travel documents as their reasons.
The opening scripture above has made it abundantly clear that God places great value on the marriage covenant and its sacred intimacy. He wants us to regard marriage as an indissoluble bond whose sanctity must be indisputable. This is revealed in the fact that the married couples should leave their parents and cleave together as one flesh. But here, in the marital conflicts highlighted above, we have a case where spouses leave one another and cleave to their jobs in foreign lands to the detriment of the marriage bond and the welfare of the minors involved.
Such scenarios are more complex than we may first think. Some marriage officers, when presented with these issues, treat them casually and flippantly and simply rule that the spouses abroad are seeking gainful employment to fully meet their financial responsibilities to their families back home. But such answers are shallow and do not really reflect an understanding of the meaning of a marriage covenant. The affected spouses are fed up with such easy and inconsiderate solutions.
On the other hand, pastors just advise these poor ladies to pray on, and one day God will hear their prayers. But can we leave these marriage issues solely in the hands of God or the couples involved are supposed to do something to save their marriages?
Can we say that those spouses who are financially supporting their families here are still married but just on separation for seven continuous years? And can we say that the wife left childless and not being supported financially was divorced five years ago? Can these marital complications constitute examples of trading marriages for money or putting one’s marriage asunder? Answers to these questions and solutions to the above-mentioned conflicts are beyond my wit. I therefore appeal to senior pastors, spiritual fathers, marriage officers and lawyers to offer possible solutions to these marital conflicts for publication in the next issue.
– Please kindly send text message to 011877180 or email brief messages to mairos78@yahoo.co.uk. Indicate your name and official designation if possible.