Would Mai Mujuru have said this if her husband were still alive?

Joice Mujuru, first Zimbabwean woman to be in the country’s presidium.

WOULD she really? Have said what she has been saying if her husband, the general Solomon Mujuru, were still here? I am hard pressed to wonder. Following Vice President (VP), Joice Mujuru’s addresses at various events, one would notice that of late when she makes references to her personal life, she has taken to include some notable tidbits about her life with her late husband, which often provides a sneak peek into their marriage. Sad to say, the glimpses do not provide a rosy picture.

A thorny marital picture emerges, which of course, is not unique to her, as many women in supposed marital bliss are tossing and turning in trials and tribulations anchored only by the need to preserve and oftentimes the excuse of enduring for the children’s sake. Why this tends to take many aback is that, stereotypically speaking, sucking it up to endure abusive and humiliating and altogether diminishing tendencies in marriages is not often associated with the most powerful amongst us.

Those of us that exude power and have conquered in our professional lives including shattering the proverbial glass ceiling are often assumed to be above less than respectful treatment at the hands of spouses. But, alas, that is actually not always the case. Some of the worst marital abuse has been meted out to the most powerful and influential of women.

A few months after her husband’s demise, Mai Mujuru in remembrance of her husband whom she obviously misses greatly, let on in a public address how her husband was philandering and she had bore it. At the time she spoke she excused it by saying that the General anga aine musikanzwa (he was full of mischief).

At that time, the statements drew ire from women who felt that her brand of preserving marriage at all costs even in circumstances that did not sufficiently and necessarily honour a woman and bring her respect not to mention hurtful and humiliating, took the gender battle hundreds of years back. I am sure VP was convicted in her own beliefs, values and therefore her actions or lack thereof. Remember in issues of the heart (and culture) it boils down to each to her own. One simply can’t prescribe on another one’s own wishes, preferences and judgement.

Recently Mai Mujuru, at yet another public event, spoke about how her husband was surprised to find out that she had been studying for a Masters degree; and that he had refused to attend her graduation… This again, pointed to some lack of unity and coherence in the marriage where support wasn’t guaranteed; one where one spouse could actually undertake something as long and committing as a Master‘s degree programme with the other spouse none the wiser.

My heart goes out to Mai Mujuru for having endured and many of us women know what it’s like to have rough patches in what is supposed to be holy matrimony; to be denied support and to deal with a myriad of marital challenges even as you try to hold on and make things work; often giving the veneer that things are in order; that we are on top of the situation -but where I find there are more questions than answers provided in VP’s statement is where I begin to ask: Sure, there must have been some daunting challenges in her marriage, but would she have freely and publicly spoken about it if her husband were still alive?

Would she? Really? And this to me makes me wonder if we are looking at issues to do with women not being free to express themselves and their challenges as much they would with spouses around. Is it a matter of one feeling freed in death, through death and by death? Does a woman find her words then? Has the VP always shared tidbits about the not-so pretty side of her marriage or it is only now she feels she can break the silence? Just what are we women up against, what is the nature exactly of this beast, I wonder.

●The Fabulous Forties column is a celebration of an age that benefits from lived experiences, opinions, observations and sentiments associated with the “coming of age” for all readers: Contact: maggiemzumara@yahoo.ie