Staff Writer 
“Relationships don’t remain constant, but are in a constant state of evolving, either positively or negatively”. – Steven Redhead
I WAS stunned recently when a client introduced me to what he terms “evolution of the relationship portfolio”. In his world, if someone gives you uninterrupted time, it means that you have earned it because you add value. People generally do not create time to be with someone who does not bring a positive vibe.
Relationships need not be endured but enjoyed. It is sad for a relationship to be maintained out of compulsion or out of it being mandatory. The worst part is not realising that a relationship is evolving or has evolved. Not decoding that something is shifting has far reaching effects on relationship continuity. While obtaining a relationship is a milestone worth celebrating, maintaining the relationship is harder, and even more challenging is the ability to decode how a relationship is evolving. This personally challenged me to investigate relationships where I need more “airtime”.
If a business partner no longer gives you “airtime”, or a cold shoulder situation is emerging, it’s likely the relationship has unpleasantly evolved. Simple and straightforward! If more “airtime” is being demanded of you, probably you are gaining favour. It is quite complex sometimes to decode when brakes need to be applied or when to press the accelerator. But what really is “evolution of a relationship”? Without attempting a thesis-like investigation, let’s explore life seasons I have interpreted to signal a relationship has evolved.
Evolution from “strictly professional letters” to adding voice calls or social media messaging while maintaining ethics and observing data privacy requirements: When a common goal and shared values have been struck, a rhythm can become entrenched such that while professional letters still happen for the sake of good governance, it’s thrilling to receive voice calls or a social media “Hello” too. This evolution demonstrates positive entrenching of the relationship. The obvious advantage of such positive transition is the scope for more business development opportunities. In social circles, these are the kind of relationships which enter your inner circle of confidants, deserving of “high table” seats.
Evolution from “strictly professional letter exchange” to regular face to face meetings: While I appreciate the importance of putting subject matters in writing, for audit trail purposes and future reference, being accorded regular physical presence interaction is essential too. It means that you are worth the company and trusted to be in the same physical venue to deliberate on matters. Again, a demonstration of acceptability and warmth of the relationship, worth according the commensurate attention.
Evolution from “strictly by appointment only” to “come through please, I will make time for you”: I respect appointments but rejoice whenever I just drive past a street and dial a business partner to announce that I am in the neighbourhood. The thrilling part is when I am told that there is absolutely no way I should leave that neighbourhood without passing through for a cup of tea. I aspire to have such level of deeply entrenched relationships in business and social circles. When a relationship has developed to this level, this is valuable social capital.
Evolution from “community-based relating” to motive driven relating: This is when, despite your proximity geographically, your company is now only valuable if there is a real genuine reason why one should see you. Or where one asks what’s in it for them to meet you really. Such a downgrade is really concerning, and signalling degeneration of relationship. Noting such a deterioration in relationship quality calls for a courageous deep dive into seeking direct feedback and taking corrective action.
Evolution from “consistently preplanned communication” to prolonged silence and sudden incident-based connecting: This indicates that you are no longer top of mind or painfully being relegated to the forgotten-business-partner category. I appreciate that there are certain relationships which are working so well that one gets tempted not to disturb their peace, and only wait for a trigger necessitating engagement. This unfortunately can be a self-inflicted trauma, when suddenly something adverse happens. Even if it’s a smooth sailing relationship, taking your foot off the pedal, can be detrimental when the ship hits an iceberg. Relationships are nurtured, even when all is well. The regular catch ups, pulse checks and “hello drop-ins” are necessary.
While I appreciate that tastes or preferences change and life happens, inevitably causing some social relationships to disintegrate or vanish, in business it’s a different scenario. I am part of an organisation that is celebrating over 160 years in business and such longevity has been sustained by multiple factors, mainly stickiness of strategic relationships. It is imperative that we interact in a manner that fosters more “airtime” from multiple stakeholders influencing continuity of our businesses. We have an intrinsic accountability to those who built these businesses decades ago. I challenge myself to drive positive evolution of business relationships and mending relationships where “airtime” has reduced.
So, what insights have I derived from “evolution of relationships”?
l The ability to read the times is essential in relationship marketing;
l Be comfortable with seeking and receiving feedback, especially when a negative evolution is unfolding;
l Be bold and courageous in taking immediate corrective action;
l Keep your antennas on high alert to nip in the bud emerging adverse trends;
l You add a feather to your cap if you deploy timely interventions, appropriately aligned with how a relationship has evolved;
l People no longer meet, for the sake of just meeting, whether in social or business circles. “Airtime allocation” is dependent on perceived value you bring.
I dare not mirror these learnings into family relationships, as this may require chapters and chapters of deep conversation. A part two covering evolution of relationships socially is worth exploring. I pen off this 10th article here, challenging us to scrutinise how relationships around us have evolved.
l Murambadoro is the Executive Director, Corporate and Investment Banking for Stanbic Bank Zimbabwe.
